The two big questions my students have been asking me this week. The super-specific: ‘Oh, you like Japanese men? Why? What are the differences between Japanese men and western men?’ And the wide-scoping ‘So how are you finding Japan?’
In the first case. I’d like to make it clear I like western men, as all my previous boyfriends (bar one) were western. But there is something… different appealing about Japanese men. Let’s get more specific: young Japanese men. We’re talking 18-35 year olds. First of all, and if you know me you know how highly I rate this, they all seem to have good hair. Yes, some of them tease it and pouff it to epic manga-style proportions, but most of them just seem to have a natural, snappy, style. It follows from head to toe as well. That belt, those shoes, a scarf on colder days – they just look so… well put together. Sometimes on the train it’s like being in a Gap advert and I wish my iPhone didn’t have such a noisy camera or I’d capture it for sure. But, as some of my students told me this week, appearance is important in Japan. To the extent where, if a boy band behaves and looks good, they’ll sell records even if their music is a bit pants. So I guess it’s all about the image.
In a country that has such amazing traditional dress, it’s not so surprising to hear that appearance matters, I suppose. I know I still find it thrilling when a women in a kimono steps onto my train, and can’t help but peek a few times at her obi, pretty sandals, neat hairstyle and accessories. I’ve only seen one group of men in Kyoto in traditional male kimono too, but I have to say it does a number on me even more than the snappy everyday clothes. There’s something about the simple cut, and the colours, that makes a guy just look amazing.
But what are the chances of me meeting a nice Japanese guy who might just wear it at my demand, ahem, request? Fairly thin, if my fellow gaijin are to be believed. Just one female teacher I’ve met so far has a Japanese husband, and all the dating talk seems to be around western guys with Japanese women. I have to be honest, it’s a little disappointing for a single western woman to hear, like being in a sweet shop where all the tasty sweets are on really high shelves: for display purposes only.
A few students, and fellow teachers, have already offered me some advice on this matter. ‘Japanese men are shy.’ ‘They won’t approach you because their English isn’t good.’ ‘It’s not a good match, a Japanese man and a western woman. It’s too difficult.’ ‘Japanese men expect women to agree with them, and they don’t think western women will.’ An interesting point, the last one, because I’ve met quite a few feisty Japanese women already, and they’re not all single. Well, I think it’s easy to sweep a generalisation about any demographic, and Japanese women particularly for some reason. There seems to be this image in the west of them all being meek, pretty little creatures who all love cute things, and want to get married by 30 and have babies. Pretty, I’m not going to deny them, because like the oh-so-stylish Japanese men, they value their appearance, and when they’re in full-on kimono there are few things more stunning. As for liking cute things – I think that’s a national obsession and not just unique to women. But as for the rest – I think it’s just down to character. Recently one of my students asked the other: ‘You love your husband, don’t you?’ and student 2 considered it a moment, then replied, ‘I suppose, he’s like family to me.’ Student 1 nodded, and said: ‘Some people say when they have been together a long time, their partner becomes like… air.’ We couldn’t decide between us if that was a good thing or not.
Another student, a friendly guy about my dad’s age, appraised me and said with a twinkle in his eye: ‘You should stay away from Japanese boys, they’re bad news.’
Whether he was referring to his own colourful past, I don’t know, but I feel he might have been hinting at what yet another student outright asked me. He stopped me in my tracks in a media class I subbed, by asking: ‘Weren’t you scared to come to Japan after you read about that English teacher getting killed?’
No, I explained, no more scared than I would be to move to any unfamiliar place. In fact, the murderer in that case has recently been caught, despite having plastic surgery to evade the authorities. I understand from other blogs that the Daily Mail has been having a field day with it, probably not doing the image of Japanese men, and society in general, much favour in western eyes. I think I’m lucky to have been exposed to so many different sides of Japanese culture through its manga, films, language lessons and previous holiday visits, that I know this is a generally safe country to live in. But it makes me wonder how the Japanese media portrays western people, and how that shapes Japanese people’s perceptions of us.
Last weekend, which was rainy and grey, I decided to go the International Museum of Manga in Kyoto. It’s packed full of modern manga to browse, as well as exhibits tracing the history of manga in Japan. One of the exhibits showed the American comic Blondie translated for the Japanese audience in the post-war period: a character was making a gigantic sandwich in one sketch, which the information panel explained gave Japanese people a vision of American excess while they struggled to revive their economy. It seems manga was a vital key in keeping people’s spirits up in the post-war era, giving them something easy to discuss/laugh over, or perhaps aspire to. Overall I found the exhibits fascinating, and was excited to see a full colour panel signed by the manga artist from one of my favourite titles. My love of manga is one of the things that drew me to Japan; I don’t mind admitting I’m a female otaku (geek) to my students, and they seem to love quizzing me about my cosplay, and favourite animes. Although one student advised me ‘You don’t want an otaku boyfriend. Don’t look for men in the manga store.’ I have to say it’s the only place I am distracted from them… unless I’m paying for some goodies and the clerk has good hair of course. But boys, heed a warning note here: the gaijin boys tell me they don’t like to profess their love of anime here. They didn’t bring their favourite t-shirts from home, and they keep the semi-naked statues hidden, because apparantly Japanese girls aren’t so keen on gaijin otaku. So ssshhh… keep it secret, keep it safe and you’ll get the girl. Maybe ask her to wear the costume *after* she’s your wife.
Oh yes. And in answer to question 2: how are you finding Japan? Sorry to say I can only answer in one-word sentences at the moment. Bewildering. Interesting. Thrilling. Emotional. Beautiful. Educational. Daunting. I need to improve my English on that score; perhaps my students can teach me how – when it comes to Japan, I’m as much their student as they are mine.
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